Birth, Trauma, and the Path to Peace

Some people describe childbirth as a transcendent or spiritual experience, one of the closest moments to Heaven. That was not my experience.

I was young, hopeful, and excited to welcome my baby boy, but I was also diagnosed with preeclampsia. The day before delivery, the anesthesiologist calmly informed me he could not place an epidural due to the risk of hitting a vessel and causing paralysis. The one birthing class we attended had not prepared me for an unmedicated birth. I was terrified.

Labor progressed with induction, Pitocin, intense pain, and hours of strained breathing before another anesthesiologist was finally able to place the epidural safely. My son was born healthy, and for a moment, we felt pure joy.That moment ended abruptly when the doctor noticed significant hemorrhaging. The room changed. I was taken to surgery, where my husband was asked for permission to remove my uterus if necessary to save my life. Fortunately, the bleeding was controlled, and my uterus was preserved. I survived, but I came extremely close to not being here at all.

After a week in the hospital, a blood transfusion, and time to stabilize physically, we were discharged. We adjusted to newborn life with family support while my husband returned to work. I nursed, I followed the parenting books, and I tried to focus on recovery. But a few months later, I began experiencing sudden overwhelming fear, at the grocery store, in movie theaters, and in my sleep. I would wake in panic, heart racing, chest tight, certain something was terribly wrong. I went to the ER convinced it was medical. Instead, I was told I was experiencing panic attacks.

A panic attack is the body’s alarm system misfiring—responding as though you are in danger when you are not. The physical sensations are real, intense, and frightening. The ER physician recommended follow-up with my doctor, who referred me to therapy.

My delivery experience had been a trauma, and my nervous system was still reacting to it.

Therapy became a turning point. My therapist provided language for what I was experiencing, anxiety, panic, and post-traumatic stress, and helped me process the emotions my body had stored from the delivery. Together, we explored the fear, shock, helplessness, and grief that I hadn’t been able to understand at the time of my son’s birth.

Learning how to name, tolerate, and express my emotions safely helped my nervous system relearn that I was no longer in danger. Through grounding techniques, emotional regulation skills, and gentle self-compassion, I slowly rebuilt trust in my own body and mind. Healing wasn’t instantaneous or linear. There were days of progress and days of setback. But with consistent therapeutic support, patience, and a willingness to stay connected to my emotional experience, I found stability again.